Miscellaneous Jokes

Thank you for calling the Metropolitan Church of the Holy Bible.
Today's commandment is Number 6, Thou shalt not....
How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions.
Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this... YOW!!...
I can't come to the phone now, so... hey -- that's a nice phone you have there.
Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time....
Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it!
Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!...
After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money.
I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding....
Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.
05. Counting down to test: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1......
As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality.
You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone......
You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy.
You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions....
No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep!
No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!...

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