Miscellaneous Jokes

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I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember.
I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something...
I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain.
Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them will get back to you....
Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy.
After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible....
Ok, One more time... This is our answering machine.
.. This is the message on our answering machine... ..Any questions?...
Hi, can I speak to Mark?...Oh, there isn't?...I'm sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number.
beep, beep, beep> The number you have reached, Seven.
Six. Seven. One. Two. Three. Four. [Use your number here....
HANS: This is Hans FRANZ: And this is Franz, and we just want to.
.. BOTH: Pump (CLAP) you up HANS: But we are not at home, you know FRANZ...
Hello! This is 1-800-PRESLEY -- Yes! 1-800-PRESLEY!
They say the King died 10 years ago, but we know he's still out there somewhere....
Hi, you've reached 1-900-CALL-BREN, my personal message line where you can talk to me, Bren.
I'll tell you all about how I'm suffering in between sports seasons and about my pa...
In a vaguely phoneco-operator voice: "I'm sorry, you have reached an imaginary number.
Would you please rotate your telephone by ninety degrees and try your call again....

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