Miscellaneous Jokes

Miscellaneous Jokes

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Use a strong east Indian accent) Hello, you have reached the existential hotline of (.
Oooooommmmmmmmmmmmm... (heavy panting and breathing in the background), Oh!
Sorry, I can't come (Oh! Yes! Do it to me) to the (Oh!...
lt;Cackle> That's right! This is an answering machine!
In a few seconds, YOU'RE gonna have to leave a message!...
Background music: Something psychotic sounding, like Revolution 9 (Beatles) or Toccata (ELP)) Hello, you have reached the &l
Housing Complex> Psychatric Ward. <Residents> aren't here right now...
Background: Something spacy, like "A Saucerful Of Secrets" by Pink Floyd.
) (Try to sound like Carl Sagan.) Who are you? Where do you come from?...
At the sound of the tone, you will be charged $10 for the first minute and $
2 for each additional minute. Please leave your name, phone number and a message....
ahhhhhhhhh...hhhhhhhhhhhhh (heavy breathing sounds, like an obcene phone call) Oh, shit, you called me!
Sorry, leave your name and number at the beep....
Hello, this is John's refrigerator, his answering machine's not working right now, so leave a name and number and we'll get back to you.
(uses a back-woods slow drawl type voice)...
This is an answerin' machine, this machine is designed to take full advantage of its numerous capabilities.
Please say what you wanted to talk about and why did ya call me anyhow? Wait for the...
uses pompous John Houseman {prof. Kingsfield} type voice) "It appears Reynaldo has again failed to answer the phone so you'll just have to leave a message.
Right now I'm off to find Reynaldo and...

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