A Short Glossary of Computer Terms

Analog: Hors d'oeuvre, usually made from cheese and covered with crushed nuts.

Back-up: Current data errors that have been saved for future use. See Database Back-up or File Back-up.

Binary: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.

Bit: 12 1/2 cents ($.125).

Buffer: Programmer who works in the nude.

Bug: Any type of insect.

Byte: Painful wound inflicted by dogs, snakes, children etc.

Coding: An addictive drug.

Compile: A heap of decomposing vegetable matter.

Computer: A device used to speed and automate errors.

Control Character: Any person who has money to spend for any reason.

Crash: A Normal Termination.

Cursor: An Expert in four-letter words.

Database: A special medium used to store errors, so that they can be processed and printed many times by the computer system. Sometimes called Input File or Data file.

Debugging: Activities necessary to remove insects from any area where they are not wanted.

Diskette: A mobile accessory to transsfer and to store errors.

Downtime: The time in which the computer rests while you sink into the lower depths of depression. (Downtime typically takes place while you are in the middle of your most important work on the computer.).

Drive: A hardware part were errors are loaded from diskettes. The moment the dirve's led is on can be described as the computer's orgasm.(the noise indicate it too!)

Errors: The normal result of running a computer system.

Hardcoded: Computer program code that has been allowed to dry. Hardware: 1. Boots, leather, studs, spikes and such. 2. The parts of a computer which can be kicked.

Keyboard: An instrument used for entering errors into the system quickly.

Logic: Orderly path always followed by programs & errors.

Loop: See Loop.

Maintenance: Activities necessary to ensure that the system continues to produce errors and delay work efficiently.

Never-Never Land: 1. Place where no one grows up. 2. Place where programs love to go. - It is also called the Twilight Zone

Password: The nonsense word taped to your terminal.

Printer: A device that prints computer errors on paper.

RAM: A male sheep.

Reset: A button located on the computer's body,which make easier the "trip" of the programs to the Never-never land. It is conssidered as the only way of avoiding errors.

ROM: 1. A Ram after a delicate operation. 2. What programs do in Never-Never Land.

Screen: The part of the computer where the errors are seen for the first time. It is also the part programmers love to break the most.The most inginous and smart feature of the Screen is that it can be turned off.

Software: 1. Silk nighties, nylons, teddies etc. 2. Parts of computer that can not be kicked.

Sometime: Those occasions when a computer error message can be interpreted and understood.

Security: A feature of computer system access which helps prevent the mis-use (or proper use) of the system.

Table-Lookup: A piece of furniture that has been attached to the ceiling.

Turbo: A mode in which the computer compiles the errors faster. It sometimes may help the programs to reach the NeverNever land.

Uptime: The time in which a computer works & produces errors quickly and efficiently.