(or defining computer terms from a "marketing point of view"

# ALL NEW -- The software is not compatible with previous versions.
# ADVANCED DESIGN -- Upper management doesn't understand it.
# BREAKTHROUGH -- It nearly booted on the first try.
# NEW -- It comes in different colors from the previous version.
# DESIGN SIMPLICITY -- It was developed on a shoe-string budget.
# EXCLUSIVE -- We're the only ones who have the documentation.
# FIELD TESTED -- Manufacturing doesn't have a test system.
# FOOLPROOF OPERATION -- All parameters are hard coded.
# FUTURISTIC -- It only runs on the next-generation supercomputer.
# HIGH ACCURACY -- All the directories compare.
# IT'S HERE AT LAST -- We've released a 26-week project in 48 weeks.
# MAINTENANCE FREE -- It's impossible to fix.
# MEETS QUALITY STANDARDS -- It compiles without errors.
# OPEN SYSTEMS -- Anything with our logo on it!

Vendor dependent variations of the above definitions of open systems:

# USL -- Pay us for the license - & it's open.
# OSF -- Anything IBM& DEC can agree on must be open
# Sun -- Give me an `s', give me a `p', give me an `a', give me an `r', give me a `c' - what have you got? OPEN!
# Microsoft -- Open Systems? Isn't that a laxative?
# IBM - Open systems? We have 13 of them. Which one do you want?
# PERFORMANCE PROVEN -- It works through beta test.
# REVOLUTIONARY -- The disk drives go round and round.
# SATISFACTION GUARANTEED -- We'll send you another copy if it fails.
# STOCK ITEM -- We shipped it once before, and we can do it again, probably.
# UNMATCHED -- It's almost as good as the competition.
# UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE -- Nothing ever ran this slow before.
# YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT -- We finally got one to work.