The NEW Microsoft Keyboard


Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed
specifically for Windows. {Sources say a Macintosh variant is in the
works.} In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard,
Microsoft's new design adds several new keys which will make your
Windows computing even more fun! The final specs are not yet set,
so please feel free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far
are:

1) GPF key -- This key will instantly generate a General Protection
Fault when pressed. Microsoft representatives state that the purpose
of the GPF key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the need
to run an application in order to produce a General Protection Fault.

2) $$ key -- When this key is pressed, money is transferred
automatically from your bank account to Microsoft without the need
for further action or third party intervention.

3) ZD key -- This key was developed specifically for reviewers of
Microsoft products. When pressed it inserts random superlative
adjectives in any text which contains the words Microsoft or Windows
within the file being edited.

4) MS key -- This key runs a Microsoft commercial entitled "Computing
for Mindless Drones" in a 1" x 1" window.

5) FUD key -- Some thing to do with the display ... self explanatory.

6) Chicago key -- Generates do nothing loops for months at a time.

7) IBM key -- Searches your hard disk for operating systems or
applications by vendors other than Microsoft and deletes them. (Is
very effective at removing Netscape).

8) MSN Key -- With a single keystroke you will install and setup the
world's second slowest web access (AOL takes first place). And you
thought it was tough deleting all of the SetupMSN files from Win 95!

9) RW95 Key -- Stands for Re-install Windows 95. Because it's
usually a weekly ritual for most Win 95 users, why not make it
easier?

10) FDISK Key -- Microsoft's new compression utility gives you 100%
data compression guaranteed. Could stand for Format Disk, but we all
know what it really stands for.