The Simpsons

The Simpsons

Home › Fortune Cookies › The Simpsons

Indian #1: Thank you. I just wish Ben and Hoss and Little Joe and Hop Sing and Sheriff Roy and all your favorites could be alive today to see this wonderful turnout.
Indian #2...
Homer: Look, Marge! They opened a new high-tech gadget store!
You love high-tech gadgets. Marge: No, I don't....
Bart: Hey, Lis! Check out this space-age toothbrush.
[uses it] Lisa: That's an electric nostril groomer....
Marge: Night vision goggles? A bathroom scale from a soviet sub?
A suede briefcase case?...
CBG: Yes, finally! I would like to return your quote, unquote Ultimate Belt.
Salesman: I see. Do you have a receipt, quote, unquote, sir?...
Wow! I bet if God wore pants, he'd have a belt like that!
-- Milhouse admires Bart's belt, "The Homer They Fall...
Bart enumerates all the features of his "Tactical Pants-Retaining System
compass, matches, whistle, saw, panic button, squirrel snare, radon/lie detector, sphygmomanometer and cute turn signals....
Bart: I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but...
you guys asked for it....
Bart: [all bruised up] Hey, dad. Homer: Looking good, son.
[stops Bart] Hey! What happened to your belt?...
Homer: Son, there's only one thing punks like that understand
squealing. You've got to squeal to every teacher and every grown-up you can find....

< previous

297

298
299
300
301
302
303
304
305
306
654
next >