The Simpsons

The Simpsons

Home › Fortune Cookies › The Simpsons

Homer: Oh, I need money. Apu: Well, if you need money, you should have at least jammed a gun in my ribs, or better yet, you could inquire about my help-wanted sign.
Homer: You're looki...
Chuck: She certainly tamed that horse. Student 2
Yes, but what man can tame her? -- Watching Lisa and "Lisa's Pony...
Apu: I won't lie to you. On this job, you <will> be shot at.
[reveals his chest] Each of these bullet wounds is a badge of honor....
Apu: Now, these hot dogs have been here for three years.
They are strictly ornamental. There is only one bozo who comes in and buys them....
Homer: Marge, could we go in the other room? I did something last night I'm not proud of, and I don't want the kids to hear it.
Bart: Busted! Homer: [in the other room, explaining] I'l...
Homer, you are asleep at your post! Now go change the expiration dates on the dairy products!
-- Apu, "Lisa's Pony...
Marge: Homer, how long do you plan to do this? Home
I don't know. How long do horses live? Marge: Thirty years. Homer: D'oh! -- "Lisa's Pony...
Johnny Carson: I just heard Milli Vanilli was arrested for impersonating a McNugget.
Ed McMahon: Ho ho ho ho! Bart: Well, it's still fun to be up late. -- Watching TV...
All the years I've lobbied to be treated like an adult have blown up in my face.
-- Lisa has to decide the fate of "Lisa's Pony...
Oh, the young man you replaced is rolling over in his grave. -- Apu, "Lisa's Pony

< previous

533

534
535
536
537
538
539
540
541
542
654
next >