What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
:Close the door.

When do you care for a man's company?
:When he owns it.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
:Three, if you slice them very thinly.

Why do men get married?
:So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.

What are a woman's four favorite animals?
:A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger
in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
:Put the remote control between his toes.

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
:So men can remember them.

What did God say after creating man?
:I must be able to do better than that.

What did God say after she made Eve?
:"Practice makes perfect."

What's the difference between men and government
bonds?
:Bonds mature.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars
have in common?
:They're married.

Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
:So they can find their way back to the house.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
:Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and
go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed
and go to the fridge.

What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his
brainpower?
:A widower.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so
beautiful?"
:God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so
dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
:He wouldn't ask for directions.