Male Stages of Life
AGE DRINK
17 - beer
25 - vodka
35 - scotch
48 - double scotch
66 - Maalox
AGE SEDUCTION LINE
17 - My parents are away for the weekend.
25 - My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 - My fiancée is away for the weekend.
48 - My wife is away for the weekend.
66 - My second wife is dead.
AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 - sex
25 - sex
35 - sex
48 - sex
66 - napping
AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 - "tongue"
25 - "breakfast"
35 - "She didn't set back my therapy."
48 - "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66 - "Got home alive."
AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 - getting to third
25 - airplane sex
35 - menage a trois
48 - taking the company public
66 - Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
AGE FAVORITE HOUSE PET
17 - roaches
25 - stoned-out college roommate
35 - German Shepherd
48 - children from his first marriage
66 - Barbie
AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 - 25
25 - 35
35 - 48
48 - 66
66 - 17
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Female Stages of Life
AGE DRINK
17 - Wine Coolers
25 - White wine
35 - Red wine
48 - Dom Perignon
66 - Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 - Need to wash my hair
25 - Need to wash and condition my hair
35 - Need to colour my hair
48 - Need to have Francois colour my hair
66 - Need to have Francois colour my wig
FAVORITE SPORT
17 - shopping
25 - shopping
35 - shopping
48 - shopping
66 - shopping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 - "Burger King"
25 - "Free meal"
35 - "A diamond"
48 - "A bigger diamond"
66 - "Home Alone"
FAVORITE FANTASY
17 - tall, dark and handsome
25 - tall, dark and handsome with money
35 - tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 - a man with hair
66 - a man
HOUSE PET
17 - Muffy the cat
25 - Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 - German Shepherd and Muffy the Cat
48 - Children from his first marriage and Muffy the
Cat
66 - Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muff
the Cat
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 - 17
25 - 25
35 - 35
48 - 48
66 - 66
IDEAL DATE
17 - He offers to pay
25 - He pays
35 - He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 - He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 - He can chew his breakfast