The Simpsons

The Simpsons

Home › Fortune Cookies › The Simpsons

Whoa! Okay, so you want to kill each other. That's good, that's healthy.
There's nothing necessarily wrong with hostile conflict....
Homer: Wait a minute, these mallet things are padded with foam rubber.
What's the point? Bart: They work much better without the padding, Doc....
Monroe: Everyone comfy? Hmmph, good. Now don't touch any of those buttons in front of you for a very important reason.
I.e., You are wired in to the rest of your family. You have...
Monroe: This is what's known as aversion therapy. When someone hurts you emotionally, you will hurt them physically, and gradually you will learn not to hurt each other at all!
And w...
Smithers: Boy, someone's really gobbling up the juice, sir.
Burns: Excellent! Excellent! [walking over to a power meter] Perhaps this energy conservation fad is as dead as the dodo....
Marge: So how was the office birthday party? Home
Oh, it was de-lightful! The frosting on the cake was this thick!...
AAGGGHHH! TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY NINE POUNDS!!! Ohh, I'm a blimp.
Why are the good things so tasty? -- Homer weighs himself, "Homer's Night Ou...
Oh no! Two hundred and thirty nine pounds! I'm a whale!
Why was I cursed with this weakness for snack treats?...
Homer: Well, from now on, exercise every morning Homer!
[does stretching exercises in front of the bathroom mirror] Marge...
Marge: Mmmhmmm. Eugene Fisk, isn't he your assistant?
Homer: No! My... supervisor. Marge: Didn't he used to be your assistant?...

< previous

385

386
387
388
389
390
391
392
393
394
654
next >