Deep Thoughts
by Steven Wright

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. On my desk, I have a work station...?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? (what if
FedEx, UPS and Emery Worldwide merged = Fed Up Worldwide)?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with,
"Quit while you're ahead?"

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair colour do they put on the driver's licenses of bald people?

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on
beer cans.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
as they get older, then it dawned on me they were cramming for their
finals.

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
OTHERS here for?

Clones are people two.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is
he still wrong?

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that
considered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out its nose?

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone.
I said, "The whole time."

So what's the speed of dark?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavoured cat food?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are
furious.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?