What to say to Telemarketers ......


1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want
to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked,
because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems;
my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your
problems.

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them
where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or
questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy
and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real
husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have
you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror
as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and
keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most
fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends
Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any
friends... would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you
get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you.
When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give
your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they
often can't sell to employees.