The viola is such a lovely instrument and also a lovely plant.
Here are some questions and answers regarding violas and other things.

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
The viola holds more beer.
You can tune the violin.

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?
The coffin has the dead person on the inside.

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a viola and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a viola.

What's the definiton of "perfect pitch?"
Throwing a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.

Why do violists stand for long periods outside people's houses?
They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.

What's the difference between a seamstress and a violist?
The seamstress tucks up the frills.

What's the difference between a washing machine and a violist?
Vibrato.

Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the viola?
It saves time.

How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?
The bow is moving.

Why is playing the viola like peeing in your pants?
They both give you a nice warm feeling without making any sound.

Why is a viola solo like a bomb?
By the time you hear it, it's too late to do anything about it.

Why is a viola solo like premature ejaculation?
Because even when you know it's coming, there's nothing you can do about it.

Why do violists leave their instrument cases on the dashboards of their cars?
So they can park in "handicapped" parking places.
If someone mistakes them for mafia, they might get some respect.

Why don't violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.

Why do violists smile when they play?
Because ignorance is bliss and what they don't know can't hurt them.

Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering?
Because if they get lost, it takes ages before anyone notices that they're
missing.

What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

What is the range of a Viola?
As far as you can kick it.

What do a SCUD missile and a viola player have in common?
They're both offensive and inaccurate.

What's the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section?
half a measure
a semi-tone

What's another name for viola auditions?
Scratch lottery.

What is the best way to plant a viola?
Dig a rather large hole and bury the whole viola in it.