KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER
(the actual AP headline)

Lisa Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws,
and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled
up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her
head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and
walked over to the car. He noticed that Lisa's eyes were now open, and
She looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Lisa replied
that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her
brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors
were locked and Lisa refused to remove her hands from her head. When
they finally got in, they found that Lisa had a wad of bread dough on
the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from
the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad
of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find
out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She
initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her
brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And, yes, Lisa is a blonde.