In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.


1. On Sears hairdryer:

"Do not use while sleeping."

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)


2. On a bag of Fritos:

"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

(Evidently, the shoplifter special)


3. On a bar of Dial soap:

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

(And that would be how. . . ?)


4. On some Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestions: Defrost."

(But it's *just* a suggestion)


5. On Tosco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):

"Do not turn upside down."

(Oops, too late!)


6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

"Product will be hot after heating."

(As night follows the day . . . .)


7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

"Do not iron clothes on body."

(But wouldn't this save even more time?)


8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)


9. On Nytol Sleep Aid:

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(One would hope)


10. On most brands of Christmas lights:

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

(As opposed to what?)


11. On a Japanese food processor:

"Not to be used for the other use."

(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)


12. On Sainsbury's peanuts:

"Warning: Contains nuts."

(NEWS FLASH)


13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

(Step 3: Fly Delta.)


14. On a child's Superman costume:

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)


15. On a Swedish chain saw:

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good grief)


16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:

"Do not use on food."

(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's OK honey just grab the Palmolive!)