During the 2000 Campaign, George W. Bush promised a leaner and more cost-efficient military. "I'm pleased to report," the President spoke, "that we have downed the most sophisticated Chinese fighter without spending two million dollars on an air-to-air missile."

President Bush's "Don't Ask, Just Give 'em Hell" policy is a sharp departure from former President Clinton's focus on moving the Pentagon to San Francisco and painting Navy battleships a bright lavender.

The President was particularly pleased that it was a 50's era propeller driven plane that took out the Chinese aircraft. "Heck, we bought and paid for that sucker fifty years ago. It didn't cost the American taxpayer a single dime to take out that commie."

Bush was also pleased his "Ram The Bastard" policy for Navy submarines was a rousing success. "Just think of all of the torpedoes we can save money on!" The President seemed only momentarily flustered when asked if the Navy should, perhaps, target enemies of the United States instead of friendly countries like Japan. "Didn't Japan sink a bunch of our battleships in World War I or II? I'll ask Poppy."

The President wants to get the Army involved next by sending tanks into Canada. "Moscow's in Canada, right?"