I wanted you to know that I got ahold of Al Gore's first draft of his concession speech. I'm told Vice President Gore wrote this out himself when the Supreme Court shut down his chances for being elected President. So, here it is, uncut, and in its entirety.

"What a pisser. What a goddamned pisser of an election.

"Yo, Bush. Suck my big ass hog leg. I'm not conceding a goddamned thing. Yer Daddy packed that collection of right wing wackos on the Supreme Court and every damned one of 'em of those wackos voted against me. They best be watching their back because I'm *still* the Vice Prez for a few more days and I *do* know where I can get my hands on some assault weapons.

"Pat Buchanan and Ralph Nader: take note of what I just told those right wing wackos on the Supreme Court. You better get your goddamned wills in order, because I'm the one who took care of Vince Foster and, by God, you assholes are next.

"Those of you ignorant ass morons in Palm Beach: Hey, thanks a lot, you dumbasses. Next time, before you go to the goddamned polling booth, take your fucking Geritol so you've got enough strength to punch through a fucking paper ballot. You clowns cost me the election.

"To the 50% of Americans who didn't even bother to get off their lazy asses in front of the Internet that I built: Now you're getting Dan Quayle Jr. as the leader of the free world. Shit fire, had you all voted and written in "Goofy" you would have been better off.

"And to my home state of Tennessee. The "Volunteer State." Well, I got your "volunteer" hanging right HERE, you bunch of backwood first-cousin-fucking hicks.

"All of you assholes lost this election for me. I said I'd fight for you so it's for goddamned sure not *my* fault. I'll be back in four years, so you better get your shit together or I'll sic Tipper on your ass and make Hillary my Vice President.

"What a pisser."