Closing Arguments

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Closing Arguments

From the law offices of Johnnie Cochrane, Esquire, here are the top ten proposed closing arguments in the matter of the United States v. William J. Clinton:

  1. If the dress ain't a mess, he won't need to confess.

  2. The economy's great, let the White Boy skate.

  3. If the Bitch didn't spit, you must acquit.

  4. If she is not spread eagle, then it is not illegal.

  5. Lewinsky's a whore, and Bill's better than Gore.

  6. So he lied to the masses, he was just saving some asses.

  7. He cheats on his wife, but it's his personal life.

  8. He can't tell the truth till he sees Ken Starr's proof.

  9. Bill isn't sleazy, Lewinsky's just easy.

  10. If the sex is just oral, it's not really immoral.

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