Current Events


"The 1998 Winter Olympics are under way in Nagano, Japan. CBS has
promised 128 hours of coverage... that is, unless Monica Lewinsky
gets a hair cut or something." - Conan O'Brien

"The news this week is hot... even my Newsweek came in a plain brown
wrapper." - Jay Leno

"Newsweek and Time both have cover stories about the sex scandal.
Meanwhile the Star and National Enquirer ran full coverage on the
pope's visit to Cuba." - Cutler Daily Scoop

"A former co-worker says Lewinsky often commented about how sexy Al
Gore was. Okay, so now we know she's attracted to anything that does
and doesn't move." - Conan O'Brien

"While he was campaigning for office, Clinton told young people they
should wait to have sex. Now we know what he wanted them to wait
for. Him." - Jay Leno

"Penthouse offered Lewinsky $2 million to pose nude. This confirms
what Clinton said in his State of the Union address: He is creating
high paying jobs for young people." - Jay Leno

"You know, I think this whole thing started because interns are
underpaid. Secret Service agents make $75,000 a year and they only
have to take a bullet for the president." - Jay Leno

"Conspiracy buffs claim that the celebrity skiing accidents are
actually a conspiracy... the trees were planted." - Humor Newsgroup

"A devout Hindu is suing Taco Bell for serving him a beef burrito
instead of the bean burrito he ordered. He said the forbidden meat
caused nausea, loss of sleep and many doctor's visits. In its
defense, Taco Bell said the same thing would have happened if he'd
gotten the bean burrito." - Unknown Source