Clinton Quickies

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Clinton Quickies

  • Q: What's the working title of Bob Woodward's new book?
    A: "All the President's Semen"

  • Q: What's the difference between Zippergate and Watergate?
    A: This time we know who Deep Throat is.

  • Q: Have you heard the latest poll? 10,000 American women were asked if they'd sleep with President Clinton...
    A: And 80% said, "not AGAIN!"

  • Q: Why did Monica Lewinsky go to the White House General Store?
    A: To buy some Presidential Kneepads.

  • Q: Have you seen the newest Washington souvenir?
    A: It's a T-shirt that says "I blew the president, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!"

  • Q: Why did Clinton meet Lewinsky in the Oval office?
    A: It was so she could debrief him.

    • They're playing a new game at the White House: Swallow the leader.

  • Q: What's the difference between the Titanic and President Clinton?
    A: Only 1,500 people went down on the Titanic.

  • Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
    A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.

  • Clinton didn't tell Monica Lewinsky not to lie in deposition...
    He told her not to lie in that position.

  • Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
    A: When Hillary is out of town.

  • Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
    A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.


    • President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.

    "What is it?" exclaims the President.

    "It's this Abortion Bill Mr. President," the aide replies. "What do you want to do about it...?"

    "Just go ahead and pay it," responds the President.


  • Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude?
    A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

  • Q: Why does Bill Clinton cheat on Hillary?
    A: He wants to be on top.

  • Q: How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down?
    A: He married her.

  • Q: How many women does it take to satisfy Bill Clinton's sexual appetite?
    A: It Takes A Village!

  • Q: What was Yasser Arafat's advice to Bill Clinton?
    A: Goats don't talk.

  • Q: When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
    A: When she didn't swallow everything he presented.

  • Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
    A: A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.

  • Q: What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
    A: A girl that can run faster than the Governor.

  • Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes HE did?
    A: A dead girlfriend.

  • Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
    A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.

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