Best Country-Western Song Titles of All-Time...


1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed
2. Get Your Tongue Otta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing
You Goodbye
3. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
4. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
5. Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?
6. Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
7. Got In At 2 With a 10, And Woke Up At 10 With a 2.
8. Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except For Mine
9. Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl,
But The Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got An Even Deal

10. Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
11. Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
12. Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
13. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid
She'd Win
14. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite

15. I'm So miserable Without You, It's Like Having You
Here
16. I've Got Tears in My Ears From Lying On My Back
While I Cry Over You
17. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number
Two On You
18. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By
Now
19. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
20. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love
Jesus
21. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do
Miss Him
22. Please Bypass this Heart
23. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger
24. You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly (My
favorite)


And here are worst titles!

All I Want From You (Is Away)
Written by Bobby Harden (ASCAP)
All My Exes Live In Texas
All the Guys that Turn Me On Turn Me Down
Written by Gene Plott, Harold Powell & Roni Stoneman (BMI) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart? (courtesy of Michael)
Double Parked Heart by Jim Pollock (BMI) (Could this be the same song?)
Are You Drinkin With Me Jesus? (courtesy of Sylvester)
by Mojo Nixon, Country Dick Montana, Peter & Louise Berryman (BMI)
According to Sylvester, the song contains the truly touching lyrics:
"Does your head pound Jesus as hung over you do rise....how does paradise look Jesus, through holy bloodshot eyes...
Should we take a cab home Jesus...aw man we can hoof it from here...
I know you can walk on the water but can you walk on this much beer?"
Are You on the Top 40 of the Lord? (courtesy of Joel)
At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump (courtesy of Barry)
Apparently this is from a Weird Al Yankovic song, "One More Minute." But it sounds like a country title, so I'll keep it!
Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears (courtesy of Jim)
Bubba Shot The Jukebox

Bubba's Inconvenience Store
by Bett Butler (BMI)
Come out of the Wheatfield Nellie, You're Going Against the Grain (courtesy of Louis)
Apparently heard in Liverpool, 30 years ago. Wasn't there anything better to listen to in Liverpool 30 years ago???
Cow Cow Blues Written by Charles "Cow Cow" Davenport (ACAP), and recorded by Bing Crosby, among others.
Not a country song at all, as it turns out, but I've left it on the list because of the title's similarity to...

Cow Cow Boogie (Moo Moo My Love)
This one's been performed by everyone from The Judds to Mel Torme, according to ASCAP. Also not to be confused with...
Cow Cow Strut
by Barbara Chamberlin (SOCAN)
Did I Shave my Legs for This? by Deana Carter (courtesy of Scott)
Don't Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You.
by Tanya Tucker (BMI)
Don't Chop Any Wood Mother, I'm Comin' in With a Load! (courtesy of Garnet)
Don't Come Home a-Drinkin' With Lovin' on Yo-mind
by Loretta Lynn (BMI) (courtesy of Hamp)
Don't Give Me A Plastic Saddle 'Cuz I Want To Feel That Leather When I Ride (courtesy of Diane)
Don't Squeeze My Sharmon. (Yes, that IS the correct spelling)
Written by Carl Belew & Van Givens (BMI)
Don't Strike A Match (To The Book Of Love)
Written by Pat Alger & Hal Ketchum (BMI)
Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through The Goal Posts Of Life.)
Written by Paul Charles Craft
Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
Written by Rex Pearce (BMI) (courtesy of Rick)
Get Off the Table, Mabel (The Two Dollars is for the Beer)
by Bull Moose Jackson
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed.
Written by Richard Friedman (BMI)
Git Up Off'n the Floor Hannah (a Bitter New Year's Eve)
by Red Ingle and the Natural Seven, Written by Foster Carling & Joe Washburne (ASCAP) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
by the Austin Lounge Lizards (ASCAP)

Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart.
Written by Liz Anderson (BMI)
Hand me the Pool Cue and Call Yourself an Ambulance (courtesy of Tom, who isn't sure it's a real song)
Her Only Bad Habit Is Me
Believe it or not, three songs with this title in the BMI database.
Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)
by Travis Tritt - "It's All About to Change" (several folks submitted this one)
High Cost of Low Living
by John Steele & James Sloane (ASCAP)
Hold On To Your Men..Cause she's Single Again (courtesy of Susan)
How Can I Get Over You if You Won't Get Out from Under Me? (courtesy of Dan)
How Can I Get Over You Till You Get Out from Under Him? (alternate title courtesy of Mike)

How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
Written by Leonard Linnehan & Louis Philip Perry (ASCAP) (courtesy of Charles)
But there are a half-dozen songs with this title in the BMI database!
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
According to Murphy, this song was written for the film Royal Wedding starring Fred Astaire, and was a novelty dance number.
This is confirmed by Esther, who remembers hearing the song as a little girl in the 1930s and 40s. She thinks it may have originated in Vaudeville.
How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
by Mel Tillis (BMI)
How Did You Get so Ugly Overnight? (courtesy of Mark, who's not sure it's a real song either)
I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me
2 songs with this title in the BMI database (courtesy of Rick)
I Can't Pass the Bar, and There's One on my Way Home (courtesy of Rick)
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life (courtesy of Charles)
I Don't Care if it Rains or Freezes 'Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus Sittin' on the Dashboard of my Car
a.k.a. "Plastic Jesus" by Ernie Marrs (courtesy of Bill)
I Don't Do Floors
by Don Cook & Charles Victor Rains (ASCAP)
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
by Thom Sharpe (courtesy of Gail, who tells me he wrote a number of comedy songs)
I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me (courtesy of "Narkspud")
I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me (courtesy of Charles)
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart
Written by Jack Clement (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade (courtesy of Bruce)
I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger (courtesy of Maureen)
I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You.
According to ASCAP, the acutal title is simply, "Tears In My Ears"
I Got the Hungries for Your Love, and I'm Waitin In Your Welfare Line (courtesy of John)
I Got Through Everything But The Door
I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming
by Vern Gosdin (ASCAP)
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
Written by Byron Gallimore, Don Pfrimmer & William Shore (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up
I Only Miss You On The Days That End In " Y " (courtesy of Frank)
I Sat Down On A Beartrap (Just This Morning)
I Sent Her Artifical Flowers For Her Artificial Love
There are 4 songs called "Artificial Flowers" in the BMI database (courtesy of Jerry)

I Still Miss You Baby... But My Aim is Getting Better (courtesy of Eric)
I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife's Heart (courtesy of Dan)
I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me.
I Wanna Whip Your Cow (courtesy of Charles)
I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me
According to Sean, this may be "I Looked Back" by Jimmy Eaton & Larry Wagner, recorded by Perry Como.
If that's the case, I think we can safely move it out of the "country" category!
On the other hand, according to Steve, it was a duet performed by Buck Owens and Susan Raye in the 1960s, called "Looking Back to See,"
which would move it right back into the "country" category.
I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
by Rev.Billy C. Wirtz (courtesy of Zev)
I Wish I Were A Lesbian
by Loudon Wainwright III (ASCAP)

I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me) (courtesy of Mick)
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck! (courtesy of Charles)
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win (courtesy of Charles)
I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing (courtesy of Mike)
I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You
If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.
by Freddie Hart (BMI)
If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It.
Two songs with this title in the BMI database
If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You (courtesy of Charles)
If I'd Killed You When I Wanted To, I'd be Out of Jail By Now (courtesy of Tom)
by Reuben Darnell
If I Had It To Do All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You
by Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks (courtesy of Peter)
If I Had My Life to Live Over, I'd Live Over a Delicatessen (courtesy of Mike)
If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me
Five songs in the BMI database caleed "If I Were In Your e for the Roundhouse Nellie (He Can't Corner You There)
by Zeke Masters and his Band, Written by Julian Kay & Zeke Manners (ASCAP) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
Saddle Up the Stove Ma, I'm Riding the Range Tonight (courtesy of Garnet)
She Broke My Heart, I Broke Her Jaw (courtesy of Katrina)
by Rick Stanley.
She Can Put Her Shoes Under My Bed Anytime
by Johnny Duncan (courtesy of Bill)
She Feels Like A New Man Tonight.
Five songs with this title in the BMI database.
She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
by Jerry Reed (courtesy of Charles)
She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger (courtesy of Charles)
She Looks Good Through the Bottom of My Shot Glass (courtesy of Marc)
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart (courtesy of Charles)
She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night It Was Honor and Offer
by Sligo Studio Band, written by Robert Bivens (BMI) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy
Written by Jim Collins & Paul Overstreet (BMI)
She Walked Across My Heart Like It Was Texas (courtesy of James)
She's Actin' Single..... I'm Drinkin' Doubles
by Gary Stewart (BMI).
She's Got the Rhythm (And I Got the Blues)
Slap 'Er Down Again Paw
by Arthur Godfrey (courtesy of "Narkspud")

Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
by Roy Clark (BMI)
Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You
Written by Max Barnes, Frank Saulino & James Valentini (BMI)
The Alcohall of Fame
by Wayne Kemp - from the album of the same name.
The Bridge Washed Out and I Can't Swim and My Baby's On the Other Side
The Last Word in Lonesome is Me
The Man That Came Between Us (Was Me)
The Old Home Fill 'er Up and Keep On Truckin' Cafe"
by C. W. McCall (courtesy of "Narkspud")
The Pint Of No Return.
There Ain't Enough Room in my Fruit Of The Looms to Hold All My Lovin' For You (courtesy of Atley)
There's A Tear In My Beer
by Hank Williams
They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out (courtesy of Charles)
This Good Girl's Gonna Go Bad
by Tammy Wynette(courtesy of Bill)
This White Circle on My Finger Means We're Through
by Kitty Wells (courtesy of Bill)
Tight Fittin' Jeans
Two songs in the BMI database with this title.
Timber... I'm Fallin In Love (courtesy of Kathy)
by Patty Loveless. Written by "Kostas" (BMI)
Trainwreck Of Emotion
Written by Allen Kohnhurst & Jonathan Vezner (ASCAP)
Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother
by Jerry Jeff Walker "Great Gonzos" (courtesy of Ed) Also recorded by Willie Nelson, written by Ray Hubbard (ASCAP)

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart (courtesy of Charles)
Did find a song in the BMI database called "Velcro Heart"
Waitin' In Your Welfare Line
by Buck Owens (BMI)
Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking In
Four songs in the BMI database called "Walk Out Backwards"
Warm Beer and Cold Kisses
by Stallins & Crowe (BMI)
Warm Beer Cold Women
by Tom Waits (ASCAP) Wouldn'Grass?
by Buck Owens (BMI)
Who's Gonna Take The Garbage Out When I'm Dead And Gone?
Who's Makin' Time with the Time Keeper's Daughter, when the Time Keeper's Keepin' Time? (courtesy of Steve)
Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?
by Shania Twain & Mutt Lange (ASCAP)
Why Have You Left the One You Left Me For?
by Crystal Gayle, also recorded by Ronnie Milsap (courtesy of the Johnson family)
Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw
by Jimmy Buffett "All the Great Hits" (courtesy of Karen, James & Ed)
Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?
by Ray Stevens, Written by Chet Atkins & Margaret Archer (BMI)
Yard Sale (12 exciting songs share this title in the BMI database)
You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'
by Toby Keith (BMI) (courtesy of Chili)
You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man
by Loretta Lynn (courtesy of Bill)
You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog ('s Leavins') (courtesy of Jim)
You can Lock Me Up in Jail & Throw Away the Key, But You Can't Keep My Face from Breaking Out
by Randy Scruggs (courtesy of Dave )
You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too.
You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
by Roger Miller (BMI)
You Changed Your Name From Brown to Jones, and Mine From Brown to Blue
Apparently by a British spoof country singer, "Hank Wangford." Courtesy of Jan from Essex.

You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat)
According to multiple emails, this was written by Mason Williams (yes, the "Classical Gas" guy) and recorded by various artists including John Denver.
"You done stomped on my heart and mashed that sucker flat, you just sorta, stomped on my aorta.
You started going out with guys, I felt us drift apart, and every step you took, was a stomp right on my heart."
You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Banister Of Life (courtesy of Charles)
You'd think my Bed was a Bus Stop, the Way You Come and Go (several submissions)
Your Negligee Has Turned To Flannel Nightgowns.
You're The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can't Bite You Off
by Hoyt Axton, Written by Woody Bowles (BMI)(courtesy of Eli)
You're a Hard Dog To Keep Under The Porch
by Gail Davies (BMI) (courtesy of Susan)
You're Going To Ruin My Bad Reputation
Could this be "My Bad Reputation" by Woody Guthrie?
You're Out Of Step (With The Beat Of My Heart)
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly (courtesy of Charles, with more info from Ray))
By Lola Jean Dillon & L.E. White (BMI) Apparently also recorded by Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty
You're The Ring Around My Bathtub, You're The Hangnail Of My Life
You've Already Put Big Old Tears In My Eyes, Must You Throw Dirt In My Face?
by The Louvin Brothers (courtesy of Art)
You've Got Sawdust On The Floor Of Your Heart
by Sneezy Waters (courtesy of Paul)
80 Proof Bottle of Tear Stopper
800 Pound Jesus
by Sawyer Brown. Written by Billy Maddox & Paul Thorn (BMI)