Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the
following words:



Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper
with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Lecture : An art of transferring information
from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the
students without passing through "the minds of
either"

Conference : The confusion of one man
multiplied by the number present.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which
masculine willpower is defeated by feminine
waterpower...

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Office : A place where you can relax after
your strenuous home life.

Yawn : The only time some married men
ever get to open their mouth.

Etc : A sign to make others believe that you
know more than you actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing
individually and sit to decide that nothing can be
done together.

Experience : The name men give to their
mistakes.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during
life, to be spoken of when dead.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if
he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist : A person who while falling from
Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured
yet."

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he
can die rich.

Criminal : A guy no different from the
rest....except that he got caught.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by
pills, and kills you with his bills.