AQUARIUS (1/20-2/10) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be

progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because

you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

PISCES (2/19-3/20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being

followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people

resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a

stupid sack of shit.

ARIES (3/21-4/19) You are the pioneer type and think most people are dickheads.

You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

TAURUS (4/20-5/20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged

determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and

bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.

GEMINI (5/21-6/20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you

because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little.

This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on

incest.

CANCER (6/21-7/22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's

problems which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is

why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison

is a Cancer.

LEO (7/23-8/22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an

idiot. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest

criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers

and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.

VIRGO (8/23-9/22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shitpicking

is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep

while fucking. Virgo's make good bus drivers and pimps

LIBRA (9/23-10/22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with

reality. If your male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and

monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libra's die of venereal

disease.

SCORPIO (10/23-11/21) The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and

cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your

total lack of ethics. You are a son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio's are

murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (11/22-12/21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a

reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of

Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are not worth the time of

day.

CARPICORN (12/22-1/19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are

basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You

should kill yourself.

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