Examples of how English is being used in different
parts of the world:

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel
towels please. If you are not person to do such
thing is please not to read notis.

In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe
inside the tub.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being
fixed for the next day. During that time we regret
that you will beunbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift
backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin,
push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your
values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to
complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11
A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear
with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take
advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a
Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit
the cemetery where famous Russian and Sovietcomposers,
artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to
perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in
the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave
you nothing tohope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own
make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in
the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef
rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience,
we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a
fit upstairs.

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit.
Because is big rush we will execute customers in
strict rotation.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a
Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic
painters and sculptors. These were executed over the
past two years.

In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool
is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have
thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost
to alarm the hotel porter.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is
strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site
that people of different sex, for instance, men and
women, live together in one tent unless they are
married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of
entertainingguests of the opposite sex in the
bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for
this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth
extracted by the latest Methodists.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A
lot of water has been passed under the bridge since
this variation has been played.

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here
and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of
our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no
miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would
you like to ride on your own ass?

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the
drip, turn cock to right.

In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made
for ladies from their own skin.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive
Sideways.

In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice
cream.

In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a
woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.