1. De-tune heads while band is eating dinner.

2. Hit power breaker during band.s set. [Classic]

3. Find out guitar player.s girlfriend.s name and yell that she gives good head between songs.

4. Find out guitar player.s mother.s name and yell that she gives good head between songs.

5. Cover back of guitar neck with Vaseline.

6. Throw (lit or unlit) fireworks on stage.

7. Fake a fight with a friend during a ballad.

8. Open jar of deer hunting urine musk on stage seconds before the band performs (note: also yell .Looks like the rut is starting early this year. during set).

9. Bee.s nest inside kick drum microphone hole.

10. Pay ten girls to chant .Rapist!. at the lead singer.

11. Be in the opening band and play the headlining band.s set before them.

12. Get a job as the house sound guy and put flange on everything. After the band.s set, tell them you used to be Tears for Fears touring sound guy.

13. Bring a megaphone and repeat all the band.s in between song chatter.

14. Convince local Nazi organizations that the band features former members of Skrewdriver.

15. Two words: Pepper Spray.

16. Hide an amp near the stage and play along in the bathroom via a wireless unit.

17. Spike band.s water with LSD or Ecstasy.

18. Glue all the picks to the stage floor.

19. Throw $10,000 of fake money into the crowd seconds before the band.s encore.

20. Set fire to a bag of leaves (or hair) and throw it on the soundboard.

21. Get a photo pass for the show, and bring an 1890.s era (read: pull the hood over your head to take the picture) camera which must be set on stage in order for it to work.

22. Call all local radio stations and tell them the show is cancelled. (extra points for rescheduling show for the next week at the local humane shelter and/or rival club)

23. Hire a professional wrestler to challenge the singer to a match.

24. Help band load in early, telling the band you.re part of the club staff. Then fifteen minutes into their set, give them the .pointing-at-your-watch-pissed-off. face, mouthing that they have one more song left.

25. Get all of your friend.s to help throw 5,000 teabags at the drummer throughout the entire show. (Bonus: try to hit his water cup and make actual tea!)

26. Make fictitious pornographic video tape boxes featuring the band.s logo and their faces on the actors/actresses. When the merch guy is gone for even a second, stuff the video tapes in the t-shirt box. Immediately call the cops and inform them that the band is distributing pornographic material to minors. Stand back and watch the drama unfold.

27. Lock band in dressing room as the crowd chants for an encore. [Classic]

28. Hook a CD player in the soundboard and play studio versions of the band.s songs over the PA while they perform the exact same songs live.

29. Bring your dog to the show where the guitarist jumps into the crowd (e.g. The Mooney Suzuki) and claim he kicked your dog. Cause as much of a ruckus as you can.

30. Put cooking grease on the stage prior to performance.

31. Pull fire alarm during band.s set. [Classic]

32. Tell the soundman you.re there from a dot com fanzine to record the show, and run an auxiliary out of the vocals to a harmonizer allowing you to detune anything in any fashion you see fit.

33. Have a banner rigged at the back of the stage that you can control to have pulled down and at height of performance, trigger the release of the .We Suck Dick For Crack. banner.

34. Pay the local pregnant crack whore to claim the bass player got her pregnant for .His Mama.s Baby..

35. Just let the band suck on their own.