THE TOP 13 ADDITIONAL WARNINGS THE FDA IS
CONSIDERING FOR BEER AND ALCOHOL BOTTLES

13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think
you are whispering when you are not.

12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
dancing like an asshole.

11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell
the same boring story over and over again until your friends want
to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay
shings like thish.

9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you
to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at 4 in the morning.

8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you
wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over
in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or
name you can't remember).

6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big
guy named Bubba.

4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you
are invisible.

3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are laughing WITH you.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the
time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of
time may seem to literally disappear."

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy