TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND,

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten
days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND,

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons
You didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV

Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was
because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking
about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was , "Would you prefer
me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was
because you farted and I was trying to
breathe.



Once you read this letter you have to keep it going. This game
has been played since 1877. You must send this letter to 7 people
within 5 days. On the 5th day someone will ask you out or say "I
love, you." This is not a joke. It has worked for many years. If
you break the chain, you Will have bad luck with guys/girls
forever. Thus is just for future readers. This began in 1996, not
much of a past, but it works. So here are the
rules:

*If you read this on a Sunday, wish for a really fun week
*If you read this on a Monday, wish for money
*If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for love
*If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for success
*If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want
*If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date
*If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an important phone call

Send this to seven people (after you make a wish). Make sure it
Is mailed as soon as you read it or your wish won't come true. And
check!