Here are some actual sentences found in church bulletins and
newsletters:

1) Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

2) Thursday night - potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
community.

4) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

5) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of
David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

6) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and north ends
of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

7) Tuesday at 4pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk will please come early.

8) Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will
sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

9) Thursday at 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club.
All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his
private study.

10) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward
and lay an egg on the altar.

11) The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water". One of the
ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join
in.

12) Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost
of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet
will come forward and get a piece of paper.

13) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and
they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

14) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

15) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

16) Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

17) The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

18) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.


19) Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

20) Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

21) The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.

22) Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in
preparing for the girth of their first child.

23) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

24) The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."