Subject: Software Warming

Dear Consumers:


It has come to our attention that a few copies of the
WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION may have
inadvertently been shipped outside the South. If you have one
of these, you may need some help understanding the
commands.

The southern edition may be recognized by the unique
opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background art
of Gen. Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It
is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.

Please also note:


The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption" Dial up
Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive"
Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic disc thangs"
Instead of an error message, a garbage bag and roll of duct
tape pops up.

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN SOUTHERN EDITION

OK: ats aw-right
Cancel: piss on it
Reset: try er agin
Yes: yep
No: noop
Find: hunt fer it
Go to: over yonder
Back: back yonder
Help: hep me out here
Stop: kwitit
Start: crank er up
Settings: sittins
Programs: stuff at duz stuff
Documents: stuff I done did

Also note that SOUTHERN EDITION does not recognize
capital letters or punctuation marks.

PROGRAMS EXCLUSIVE TO WINDERS 98 tiperiter:

A word processing program colerin book: a graphics program
cyferin mersheen: calculator
outhouse paper: notepad
jupe-box: CD player
iner-net: Microsoft Explorer 4.0
pichers: A graphics viewer
irs: MS accounting software
irs2: MS accounting software with hidden files tax records:
Generally an empty file
coon dawg: American Kennel Club records

You'll also recognize WINDERS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION
as it comes preloaded with certain "Favorites" for browsing
the Worldwide Web:

Fish: Bass Anglers Sportsman Society
NRA: National Rifle Association
Shotgun: Remington Arms home page
Riffel: Winchester home page
Pisstul: Smith & Wesson home page
Truck: Ford & Chevy dealers by zip code
House: Mobile home repair services and movers by zip code
Cuzzins: Complete database of southern residents
Bud: List of Budweiser distributors by zip code
Rasin: NASCAR racing schedule w/TV stations carrying races
Car 'n
Truck Repair: Junk yards by zip code
Doc: Veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you
received a copy of the SOUTHERN EDITION. You may
return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. I hope this
helps all of y'all.

Billy Bob Gates
Head Honcho