The Seven Deadly Sins of Gilligan's Island Theory

The Seven Deadly Sins of Gilligan's Island theory is quite simple. Each
of the seven characters on the island represents each of the seven
deadly sins. Now, this theory seems to fit upon initial inspection,
there are technical difficulties when you get down to THE MAN himself,Gilligan.

Most obvious is the Professor, who fits PRIDE to a T. Any man who can
make a ham radio out of some wire and two coconuts has to be pretty
cocky. (His character was later revised and given a series of his own,
called MacGuyver".)

For the sin of ENVY we need look no further than Maryann, who may have
worn those skimpy little tops, but could never achieve Ginger's glamour.
(As an interesting and completely irrelevant side note, a nationwide
survey of college students a few years ago revealed that the professor
and Maryann were voted the most likely couple to have 'done it' on theisland.)

And who could doubt for a moment that Ginger is LUST incarnate? Sure,
the kids were supposed to think she was ACTING, but we all know what
being deprived episode after episode was doing to her. You know and I
know that glazed look wasn't boredom, my friends.

What kind of person takes a trunk full of money on a three-hour cruise?
Mr.Howell gets my vote for GREED.

We are now left with three characters and three Deadly Sins. We have
Gilligan, the Skipper and Mrs. Howell to whom we must match GLUTTONY,
SLOTH and ANGER. As you can see, there is a Gilligan problem here.
Certainly we can further eliminate Mrs. Howell from this equation by
connecting her with SLOTH. She did jack shit during her many years on
the island and everybody knows it.

This leaves ANGER and GLUTTONY, either of which the Skipper had no
shortage. He was, after all, a big guy with the tendency to hit Gilligan
with his hat at least once an episode. After much consideration, I have
decided that he can easily do double-duty, covering the two remaining
Deadly Sins.

So here we have the Seven Deadly Sins trapped in an endlessly recurring
Hell of hope followed by denial and despair, forced to live with each
other in our TVs until the last re-run ends. And who is their captor?
What keeps them trapped there?

Gilligan.

Gilligan is SATAN.

Think about it.

Thanks to Dave Hoskins for this one.