The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles (These are *real*)
Compiled By: Bill Atchley (atchley@coltrane.gnets.ncsu.edu)

* Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
* Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
* Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
* Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
* How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
* How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A
Liar All My Life
* I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
* I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
* I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
* I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
* I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
* I Wanna Whip Your Cow
* I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck
* I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
* I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
* I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
* I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
* I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
* I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
* If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
* If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
* If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
* If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
* If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
* Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
* My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
* My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was
Breaking My Heart
* My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
* Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But
Baby I Can See Through You
* Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
* She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
* She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
* She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
* She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
* Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
* They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
* Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
* When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
* You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
* You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
* You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
* You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
* You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly