EuroEnglish

The European Union commissioners have announced
that agreement has been reached to adopt English
as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the
other possibility. As part of the negotiations,
Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be
known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the
first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft
'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this
news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be
replaced with 'k.' Not only will this klear up
konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less
letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be
replaced by 'f'. This will make words like
'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where
more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters,
which have always ben a deterent to akurate
speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes
of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful, and
they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'W' by 'V'.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd
from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes
vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or
difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.