Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that
the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting
software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry
applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention
of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition,
Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as
DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new,
undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0,
Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system.
Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or
HouseCleaning 2.6.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose
utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help please!!!!

Thank You, Jane
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Dear Jane:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due
to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to
Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT
package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed
by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you
cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because
Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within
your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so
nothing is gained.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from
the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed
once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error
messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications,
or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install
Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more
problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under
"Warnings: Divorce/Child Support". You will notice that this program
runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend
you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and
illogical system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This a
wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent
company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must
assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of
root cause.
To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU
LOVED ME" Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering
the command.
Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and
more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a
"C:\>I APOLOGIZE"
command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can
also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet,
Beer 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create
FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to
delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!

Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all
GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run
all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program,
but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications
quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally
recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in
conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running
smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar
and you will find many valuable embedded features such as
FixesBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2, and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install
MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause
selective shut down of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only
Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install
Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in
coming years.
We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!