When Santa Runs Out Of Prozac

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When Santa Runs Out Of Prozac

WHEN SANTA RUNS OUT OF PROZAC

Dear Santa,

I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really, really want a fire truck this year!

Love, Kenny



Dear Kenny,

Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.

Santa

**********

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love, Teddy



Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the baby-sitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Lego's instead.

Santa

**********
Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.

Love, Susan



Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and a nice Cubancigar.

Santa

**********

Dear Santa,

I really, really want a puppy this year. Please please please. PLEASE,

Jimmy



Jimmy,

That whiney-begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't work up here. You're getting another sweater.

Santa

**********

Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?

Your friend,
Thomas



Dear Thomas,

All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!

Santa


**********

Dear Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.

YeR FReND,
Norm



Dear Norm,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career Lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger; at least HE can spell!

Santa

**********


Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah



Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

**********

Dear Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky



Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky" ...that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,
Santa

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  550. [page] Urban Legends All In One Letter
  551. [page] Vacuum Salesman
  552. [page] Van Gough S Relatives
  553. [page] Versailles
  554. [page] Veterinarian
  555. [page] Vibrator
  556. [page] Vincentian Vs American
  557. [page] Vulgarity Test
  558. [page] WORK Virus
  559. [page] Ways To Tell You Re Too Drunk
  560. [page] Wedgewood Shooting
  561. [page] Weird Job Interviews
  562. [page] Weird Local Sex Laws
  563. [page] What Day Is Your Birthday?
  564. [page] What Do You Call Your Dick?
  565. [page] What Does Your Name Mean? (Mean Version)
  566. [page] What Guys Names Mean
  567. [page] What Guys And Girls Are Really Saying
  568. [page] What Men Really Mean
  569. [page] What Are Dogs And Cats Really?
  570. [page] What Do You Want In A Woman?
  571. [page] What S Your Screen Name Mean?
  572. [page] When Santa Runs Out Of Prozac
  573. [page] Where Is God?
  574. [page] Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel
  575. [page] Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
  576. [page] Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats
  577. [page] Why Girls Like Guys And Vice Versa
  578. [page] Why God Never Got Tenure
  579. [page] Why I Fired My Secretary
  580. [page] Why Jesus Is Better Than Santa Claus
  581. [page] Why Nagging A Man Doesn T Work
  582. [page] Why We Should Feel Sorry For Tech Support
  583. [page] Wilbur And Martha
  584. [page] Windows 98 Southern Edition
  585. [page] Windows Errors In Haiku
  586. [page] Winter Wonderland Computer Parodies
  587. [page] Wisdom From The Bathroom Walls
  588. [page] Woman S Guide To Male Bashing
  589. [page] Women Rule
  590. [page] Women Are Bright Because
  591. [page] WordPerfect Helpline
  592. [page] Work Phrases
  593. [page] World S Shortest Books
  594. [page] Worms And Alcohol
  595. [page] Worst Analogies
  596. [page] Worst Country Songs
  597. [page] Y0K And Y1K Problems
  598. [page] Yo Mama So Stupid (and Ugly)
  599. [page] You Know You Re Getting Old When
  600. [page] You Know You Re An Idiot When
  601. [page] You Might Be A Yankee If
  602. [page] You Might Be From Lousiville If
  603. [page] You Might Have A Redneck Yard If
  604. [page] You Might Be A Redneck If
  605. [page] You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If
  606. [page] You Re Lost In The Generation Gap Between Baby Boomers And Generation X If
  607. [page] Yummy Fingers