3A. In order for the admissions staff of our college to get to know you better, we
ask that you answer the following question:

Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you
have realized that have helpd to define you as a person?

RESPONSE:

I am a dynamic figure, often scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known
to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the
area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-
winning operas, I manage time efficiently.

Occansionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensous god-like trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles
up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook 30-Minute brownies in 20.
I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a
small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play
bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous
documentaries. When I'm bored I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I
enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesday's, after school I repair electrical
appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.

Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't
perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I recieve fan mail. I have been caller number
nine and have won weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a
travelling centrifugal demonstration. I bat 400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany
circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once
read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had
time to refurbish an entire dinning room that evening. I know the exact location
of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert
operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.
While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists
who had seized a small bakery.

The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let
off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the
meaning of life but forgotto write it down. I have made extraordinary four-
course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.

I breed prize winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff diving
competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.

I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken
to Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

(** The author of this piece was accepted and is now attendingNYU **)