Real Instructions

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed
through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
consumer goods:

On a Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be .. how??)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
(!!!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
printed on the bottom of the box)--Do not
turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure???)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time???)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce work related accidents if we
just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts!)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(Or pets! What's for dinner?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
("only"; As opposed to outer space or underground)

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Hmmmm, now I'm curious)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(no comment)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(what is going on here?)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(as if you try to stop *anything* with
your genitals-clearly my favorite of the list)

On a child's superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Way to destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

Read those Labels !