Wisdom From The Bathroom Walls

Some people come to sit and think.
Others come to shit and stink.
I come here to rest my balls and
Read the words upon the walls.

Everybody pisses on the floor.
Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.

(Sign posted in a bathroom:)
We aim to please!
You aim, too, please!

(Seen above a urinal:)
Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don't piss in your ashtrays!

I do not like this place at all:
The seat is too high and the hole is too small.
(Underneath, in another handwriting:)
Your ass is too big and your legs are too short.

(On the inside of a stall door:)
Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout
the entire performance.

(Written above a urinal in the men's rest room:)
We are urinals! We don't take no shit!

(In one person's handwriting:)
I love Amy M.
(In someone else's writing, right below it:)
Who hasn't?

(Written on a bathroom wall:)
"Question Authority"
(Written beneath it:)
"Why?"

In days of old when knights were bold
And paper wasn't invented
They'd wipe their ass on a clump of grass
And walk away contented.

For a good time, call ###-#### and ask for Mary.
For a BAD time, tell Mary where you got this number.

As you sit to take a shit,
Rest a while and think a bit.
The last time that I beat my meat,
Was on this very toilet seat.

(Sign seen at a restaurant:)
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...
please aim properly.

Here I sit, I'm at a loss
Trying to shit out taco sauce.
When it comes, I hope and pray,
I don't blow my ass away.

You're holding your future in your hands!
(Someone had added:)
And it doesn't look too promising!

(Written above a urinal:)
Why are you looking up here?
Are you ashamed of it?

If your hose is too short,
Or your pump is too weak,
You'd better stand close,
Or you'll piss on your feet.

Here I sit broken hearted,
came to shit, only farted.