real ads.

Women Seeking Men

Me: buxom blonde with blue eyes. You: elderly, marriage-minded millionaire
with bad heart.

I like driving around with my two cats, especially on the freeway. I make
them wear little hats so that I can use the carpool lane. Way too much time
on your hands? Call me.

Lonely Christan woman has not sung Glory Hallelujah in a long time. Write
soon!

Cute guy with snowplow sought by head-turnin', zany, brainy, late-30s babe
to share happy time in the big driveway of love. A rake for springtime a
big plus!

Coldhearted, insensitive, unconscionable, selfish, hedonistic drunk liar
seeks next gullible male without enough sense to stay away from me.

Gorgeous blonde model, tired of being patronized. Looking for single
understanding man. Must be willing to listen to stories of alien abduction.

Men Seeking Women

Mentally ill? Are you restrained in a straight-jacket? Do you think you're
a
chicken? Did you kill and eat your last boyfriend? I don't mind. This
tall, educated, professional SWM would like to meet an interesting woman.

I drink a lot of beer, smoke a lot of cigars, and watch football nonstop
from September to January. I seek a women, 18-32 to share this with.

If it takes a three-legged elephant with one tusk 5 days to cross the Sahara
Desert, how many times do I have to put an in to get one call?

Award-winning poet, 27 yrs., seeks short-term, intense, doomed relationship
for inspiration. Must be attractive, articulate, sensual, ruthless, 21-30
yrs., under 5'6''. Break my heart. Please.

Desperate lonely loser, SWM, 32, tired of watching TV and my roommate's hair
fall out. Seeks depressed, unattractive SWF, 25-32, no sense of humor, for
long talks about the macabre.