Ever look at the Help wanted ads and wonder what they really mean
Here is our guide to Job Search Lingo

**"Competitive Salary"
We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

**"Join our fast-paced company"
We have no time to train you.

**"Casual work atmosphere"
We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up;
a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

**"Some overtime required"
Some every night and some every weekend.

**"Duties will vary"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

**"Must have an eye for detail"
We have no quality assurance.

**"Career-minded"
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

**"Apply in person"
If you're old, fat or ugly
you'll be told that the position has been filled.

**"Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience"
You'll need it to replace the three people who just quit.

**"Problem-solving skills a must"
You're walking into perpetual chaos.

**"Requires team leadership skills"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager,
without the pay or respect.

**"Good communication skills"
Management communicates, you listen,
figure out what they want and do it.

The other side of the coin ....
Phrases for you to use in an interview:

**"I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization"
I've used Microsoft Office.

**"I'm honest, hard-working and dependable"
I pilfer office supplies.

**"I take pride in my work"
I blame others for any mistakes.

**"I'm personable"
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

**"I am very adaptable"
I've changed jobs a lot.

**"I am on the go"
I'm never at my desk.

**"I'm highly motivated to succeed"
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.