Nick & Dave's Detailed Analysis of Wannabe

The first thirty seconds or so of this song can be wound up as such:

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want

The Spice Girls continually ask each other what they want, without recieving an
answer. Why don't they ask someone who might give them a straight answer,
instead of each other, who seem unable to do this? Probably because the average
answer would be something along the lines of "I really really want you to shut
the fuck up."

The next point of interest in the song is a somewhat baffling one, when we
finally recieve the answer to Tell me what you want. It is:

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig
ha.

Obviously they wanna "zigazig ha." But as yet, linguistic scholars have not been
able to work out what the phrase "zigazig ha" actually means. It is not contained
anywhere within the twenty four volumes of the Complete Oxford English
Dictionary, nor can it be found in the vocabularies of some of the worlds least
used dialects including Ancient Sanskrit, Waorani Amazonian, or Scottish
Gaelic. Perhaps it is some funny midlands expression that the world is yet to
discover. (Nick remembers reading somewhere that one of the girls is quoted as
saying something like "I'm really an alien from outer space." This may help.)
However, it is possible to deduce the meaning by looking at the rest of the
sentence. We find that "zigazig ha" is an action which they want to perform.
Thus, we worked out that the most likely possible meanings were:

I really really really wanna learn some new words other than "wanna" and
"really."

I really really really wanna find someone that won't keep asking me to "get to
the point" when I'm telling them what I really really want.

I really really really wanna watch Ninja Turtles 2 again so I can learn more
about how to rap.

I really really really wanna visit a speech therapist.

I really really really wanna have people think that I am an African-American
from Los Angeles and not an Anglo-Saxon from the East Midlands of England.

The chorus, which can be summed up as:

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.

had members of the Christian Coalition burning the CD because of its "sexual
immorality". However, we believe this is a superficial interpritation which does
not capture the true meaning of the chorus. Rather, "get with my friends" means:
"give me and my friends a recording contract". 'Nuff said.

The next part of the song relates to the commitments involved (if you wanna be
my lover...), ending with,

If you really bug me, then I'll say goodbye.

This calls for protest. The Spice Girls have bugged the whole world for the past
year with their constant streme of mindless drival over the FM radio stations,
and now they say, "If YOU really bug ME"! Are they saying that in the United
Kingdom, which has a population of about 60 million, there is actually someone
who annoys people more than they do? I'd like to see that!

Next the first parts of the song and chorus are repeated, and then comes the most
tragic part of the song: the "rap." I have never been a huge fan of rap, but like
most people, I recognise it as one of the latest chapters in a great musical history
of black Americans' defiance of oppression. The Spice Girls have taken that, and
turned it into a pathetic story about their friends (sung in a code which no-one
but themselves can understand), and sung in a pissy glish-trying-to-be-
American-and-failing-dismaly accent. It is quite clear that there has never been a
drive-by shooting in Nottingham, though, if this continues to be played on the
radio stations, there may be one soon...

The final part of the song is somewhat confusing, the gist of it being:

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta slam your body down and wind it all
around.

This is a clear admission that you will be writhing in agony if exposed to the
influence of the Spice Girls for a polonged period. In fact, we already are.