O N E L I N E R S F R O M W O M E N

1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not
dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde. [Dolly Parton]

2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a
smart woman with a dumb guy. [Erica Jong]

3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me
she was in labour for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good
for 36 hours. [Rita Rudner]

4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't
decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. [Rita Rudner]

5. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. [Wendy Liebman]

6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. [Erma
Bombeck]

7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. [Sue Grafton]

8. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. [Roseanne
Barr]

9. I think -- therefore I'm single. [Lizz Winstead]

10. "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade
another country." [Elayne Boosler]

11. "Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." [Maryon Pearson]

12. "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." [Gilda Radner]

13. "In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done,
ask a woman." [Margaret Thatcher]

14. "If I were going to convert to any religion I would probably choose
Catholicism because it at least has female saints and the Virgin Mary."
[Margaret Atwood]

15. "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a
career." [Gloria Steinhem]

16. "Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." [Gloria Steinhem]

17. "I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which
answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every
morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at
night." [Marie Corelli]

18. "Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." [Baroness Edith
Summerskill]

19. "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How
intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" [Linda
Ellerbee]

20. "I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house."
[Zsa Zsa Gabor]