Top 12 New Commandments
Anyone who says Thou Shalt Not one more time gets whacked
Thou shalt continue to read the second part of the Passover
Haggadah after the Seder meal
Ladies' wigs count as hair
Thou shalt have no other gods before breakfast
For the last time, circumcision stays
Thou shalt not colorize Hollywood movies
Endives are acceptable Lulav substitutes
Due to illness, the role of the prophet Elijah in Kings II 15-21
will be played by Ed Asner
To prevent further embarrassment, the name Oral Tradition will be
replaced by Spoken Tradition
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Mac
Thou shalt not begin thy jokes with "A priest, a minister and a
rabbi," so that your days will be lengthened on G-d's
earth
It's Hanukkah - not Chanooca, not Chanucca - Hanukkah, always and
everywhere, got it?