New Outbreaks of
Indoor Forest Growth Reported
by Jonathan Colan


NEW YORK, NY (DPI) - Scientists at the Environmental Protection Agency are
warning citizens about an unexplained outbreak of forest growth in many
homes and businesses.

Dr. Morris Schwartz explains, "We started getting
reports just after Thanksgiving that people were spotting fir trees in
office reception areas and employee lounges where none had been before. Take
this report from Benjamin Kass in Miami Beach, 'One afternoon when I got
back from court, suddenly there's this tree in my law firm's reception area.
My mother would plotz if she saw such a thing inside.' We've got similar
reports coming in from orthodontist offices, accounting firms, and
delicatessens all over New York, Hollywood, and Cherry Hill."

Also troubling are reports that houses in residential areas all over the
country are eerily glowing each night, some in various colors. Said David
Rothberg, of Philadelphia, "Each night on my way home, more and more houses
are giving off a strange series of lights. I hope there hasn't been a
radiation leak or something. My mother is gonna worry sick about me." Dr.
Schwartz has consulted with colleagues at Mount Sinai, Cedars, and Brandies,
but no one has been able to explain these strange phenomena. Dr. Schwartz's
mother, however, suggests that chicken soup and a nice Jewish girl can solve
almost any problem.