You Might Be a Jewish Redneck If ...

You think that marrying your first cousin is not only permitted, but
biblically mandated

Your home is mobile and your sukkah ain't

You have a gun rack in your sukkah

your idea of Shalosh Seidos is a six pack of beer and some Redman

Ad Lo Yoda applies just about every night.

You think KKK is a kosher symbol

You speak more English than your shul president

You light Shabbat candles from your cigarette

The only plant in your home is your lulav

The only area on your lawn that is mowed is the spot where you burn your Chametz

Your idea of bathing is using the mikvah

Your siddur lists the Sabbath greeting as : "Shabbot Shalom Y'all"

Your Shabbat suit was a blue light special at K-mart

Willie Nelson sang at your Bar/Bat Mitzvah

Your local scribe shoots his own parchment

You've ever used the theme to "Rawhide" as a tune for the Kedusha

You've ever fired a shotgun at the sound of Haman's name

Your belt buckle is bigger than your Yarmulke

You give Ma'aser from your spittoon

A tish just ain't a tish without a bugzapper

You've ever called the "Psychic Friends Network" to answer a halachic question

When you hear the shofar on Rosh Hashanah, you let your hunting dogs loose

You know what Barach to make when you see a UFO

Your Rabbi ever yelled "Yee-Haw" during his sermon

You think the mechitza is an Italian food

You think a hora is a high priced call girl

You keep a can of spray paint in your Tallis bag

You wear a white hood for Havdallah

You know which brand of grits have an acceptable Kashrut supervision

If your Omer counting calendar has ever come up with three cherries in a row