Kosher Bagel Seeds


The following should be attached to a plastic zip lock bag containing
Cheerios.

WHERE TO PLANT BAGEL SEEDS
Any bright sunny location, preferably close to a delicatessen.

WHEN TO PLANT
Year around, but onion bagels grow best in winter, while poppy seed
and pumpernickel grow well in summer.

CARE OF PLANTS
Plant in seven equal rows, running north and south. You may make the
middle row longer. Join all rows with one long east-west row, for
irrigation and to form a menorah. All seeds must be planted at least
four feet deep. Any less depth and the hole in the bagel will not
develop properly! Irrigate sparsely, with boiling water only!!

NOTE: Over-irrigation or cold water will cause your growing bagel to
become soggy. Soggy bagels are not good for anything. . .

While it is possible to grow bagels topped with cream cheese by
sprinkling the blossoms with fresh dairy cream, you should contact a
professional bagel grower for expert advice. Some unkosher growers
will use fertilizer, but that does affect the taste and texture, even
if it does hasten the growth. However those who like egg bagels have
had success using fresh eggs as fertilizer.

TO EAT
Cut cross-wise. Never, never cut a bagel vertically. Ladle on lox and
cream cheese (you were warned only experts could raise bagels already
topped). Use when ripe. . While day-old bagels may be toasted and
eaten, any older and they tend to fossilize and are only good for
missiles. Beware of over-ripe bagels!

GUARANTEE
If you are not 100% satisfied, dig up your bagel seeds and return. A
BRAND NEW package of seeds will be sent to you.