Jewish Mother's Food Definitions


LOX - Salty Smoked Salmon
"If you must smoke let it be fish!"

NOVA - Unsalted Smoked Salmon from Nova Scotia
"I know they must mean Nova Kosher."

BIALY - A Flat Onion Roll
"Eat enough and you get that South Pacific syndrome BIALY HIGH."

BLINTZ - A Jewish Crepe Stuffed with Cheese or Fruit
"Famous in London’s World War II air raids."

SCHMEAR - A Jewish Smear
"So... what else would you do with cream cheese?"

PITAS - Round Flat Bread of Eastern Origin
"Also makes a nice frisbee for grandchildren."

HUMUS - A Vegetable and Chick Pea Puree
"Eat your vegetables or some day they may have to feed you through a tube."

BAKLAVA - A Flaky Nut and Honey Pastry
Mother says, "To me, it’s Greek."

RED ZINGER - A Spicy Tea Made from Herbs, Flowers and Rose Hips
"Rose’s hips - oy vay, already she’s wearing an 8 way stretch girdle."

DR. BROWN’S SODA - A Cream Soda or Black Cherry Soft Drink
"An adult substitute for mother’s milk."

BORSCHT - A Russian Beet Soup Served Cold with a Schmear Sour Cream
"Mother sings as she stirs, "And the beet goes on."

GEMISTE - A Mixture
"A little of this - a schmear of that."

LATKES - Potato Pancakes
"With all that sour cream or applesauce - How bad could it be?"

MATZO BALL - A Delicious Jewish Dumpling Served in Penicillin Soup
Mother says, "Anything is improved by the addition of starch."

PENICILLIN SOUP - Chicken of Course
"Such a cure, we considered serving it with a hypodermic needle rather than
a spoon."

PLOTZ - To Pass Out
"Also where they put you when you do the FINAL pass out."

NOSHES - A Snack or Sliver Between Meals
"Eating should never be restricted to the table, especially where matters of
health are concerned."

"SKIN AND BONES" - Anyone who weighs less than 200 pounds.

"NICE AND HEALTHY" - Anyone who weighs more than 200 pounds.

"JUST A SLIVER" - Any portion of food smaller than a sofa cushion.

"FOR LATER" - A portable nosh - as in "Buy a few JEWISH MOTHER brownies on
your way out for later."