If G-d Had an Answering Machine ...


We have learned to live with answering machines as a necessary part of modernization. But what if G-d decided to install an answering machine?

Imagine praying and hearing this: "Thank you for calling Our Father’s House. Please select one of the following four options:

Press # 1 for requests.

Press # 2 for thanks.

Press # 3 for complaints.

For all other inquiries press #4."

What if G-d used the familiar excuse: "All the Matriarchs and Patriarchs are helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received."

Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call upon Him in prayer?

"If you would like to speak to Abraham, press 1. For Jacob, press 2. For Rachel, press 3. For Deborah, press 4. For any other Matriarch, press 5. For any other Patriarch, press 6."

"If you would like King David to sing a psalm for you, press 7."

"To find out if a relative or friend is here, press the letters of his/her name , press # ,enter his/her date of Yiskor and listen for the list that follows."

"For reservations at Our Father’s House, simply press the letters M-O-S-E-S, followed by the numbers 6-1-3."

For nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, the location of Noah’s Ark, wait until you get here."

"Our computer shows that you have called once today already. Please hang up immediately."