You might be a Jewish Redneck if ...
By Terry Kleger

Your favorite foods are Gefilte Fish and Grits.

You think Dolly Parton should have had the lead role in Yentl.

You can't decide what to do when Yom Kippur and the first day
of hunting season fall on the same day.

You keep writing to the Grand Ol' Opry for Fiddler On The Roof
tickets.

When the Rabbi announces that a pick-up truck is blocking the
driveway, everyone looks towards you.

You wear Cowboy Boots to your son's Bar Mitzvah.

You do all your Chanukah shopping at yard sales and flea markets.

Despite traditional Jewish emphasis on higher education, you never
pursued your G.E.D.

You want to move your work to another station in life - from
Shell to Exxon.

For safekeeping you leave your NRA Membership Card in your
tallis bag.

You look for "Thank G-d I'm A Country Boy" in your synagogue
prayer book.

Your favorite Passover snack is Spam on matzah.

You think a mitzvoh is a Japanese car.

You can't believe the K-Mart 'BlueLight' Specials you got your
daughter for her Bat Mitzvah.

You're still looking for "Hava Nagila" by Elvis.

You're disappointed when your son tells you he wants to be a
doctor or a lawyer and not a NASCAR driver.

Your Chanukah decorations include a Star Of David hanging from a
plastic Pink Flamingo.

You feed your Hound Dogs corned beef scraps.(mw)

You have a Menorah tatooed on your chest.

Your favorite fast food is a BLT- Bacon, Lox, and Tomato sandwich.

You have a SkullCAP And Crossbones insignia on your motorcycle
jacket.

You break Yom Kippur fast at your favorite truck stop.

You invite the Rabbi to give the invocation at the next Mudhop.

You joined a "Conservative" congregation because you like Jerry
Falwell.

You ask your synagogue's Cultural Appreciation Committe to
organize a bus trip to West Virginia.

Your Hebrew vocabulary consists of all the curse worlds used by
Israeli sailors.

You think your synagogue services should conclude with Hatikva and
Dixie.

You're offended when asked to check your gun at the synagogue
office before entering the sanctuary.