G-d Sues Man -- Claims 'Hurt Feelings'

HEAVEN -- G-d has gone on the offensive, launching a counter suit
against a Pennsylvanian man who sued the deity for ruining his life.

"I may be an omnipotent, all-powerful being, but I have feelings too,"
said G-d in a rare phone interview from Heaven. "And you don't want to
get on my bad side. As Supreme Beings go, I can be pretty vindictive."

G-d was reacting to a suit launched by Donald Drusky, 63, who blames the
all-powerful one for failing to bring him justice in a 30-year battle
against his former employer U.S. Steel. Drusky also wants G-d to return
his youth, give him guitar-playing skills, and resurrect his mother and
his pet pigeon.

"Defendant G-d is the sovereign ruler of the universe and took no
corrective action against the leaders of his church and his nation for
their extremely serious wrongs, that ruined the life of Donald Drusky,"
the lawsuit says.

"Yeah, well, I want the Red Sox to win the World Series, but it ain't
gonna happen," said an obviously angry G-d, as the sky rumbled. G-d's
suit calls for Drusky to cease and desist from blaming the Lord for his
problems, and keep at least 50 meters away from God at all times.

"And no more late night phone calls," said G-d. "I'm a busy deity. I
need my beauty sleep." Should the suit and counter suits go to trial,
G-d will likely choose to defend himself. "You know how tough it is
finding a lawyer in Heaven?"